id

Oi!

One of the things about getting older is that you never think twice about being bad. Either you are or you aren't. It's a choice you have already made when you were about 15 and it is not going to change.

There are some people though who seem to think that a piece of plastic and picture are somehow going to alter your DNA.

Take last week.

I was at a big festival On Caxton Street where AS WE ARE were playing a set and so were Intercooler. Bloody excellent. Just in country, sunshine, mates and beer. Nothing better.

So in the midst of 30 000 revellers I made my way to a beer stall - the place is hopping like 6th St Austin during sxsw or Glastonbury 10 years ago. All good.

The girl at the tent tells me I can't buy beer without a wrist band. Okay. So go to the white tent inthe middle of the street and they will give me one.

Off I go. After a few minutes of doing that weird little dance that we all do in crowds - you know the one - turn side on - put your arm between people - bend knees, slidddddeeeee, stand, shuffle and repeat- I got to the tent which was manned by a youth with knock knees and a severe case of superioritis.

" have you got any ID" says Spotty Herbert

"I have got my credit cards but I didn't bring my passport, No."

"Can't give you a band then."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Whats your date of birth?

"My what? " I nearly pissed my pants laughing. Nobody has asked me that in 10 years.

"I would tell you that but you wouldn't believe me."I said. "Don't these flecks of grey in my hair give the game away?"

"What is your date of birth?"

I told him and he looked at me with disbelief ; " I look this young because I have spent the past 20 years pickling myself from the inside. "

"No one was born then: he said - absolutley seriously. Now you know why he was in the tent instead of at the party.

"Listen snot nose. I was born before your dada and I am still alive and well. Now give me the fucking band and let me get a beer!"

Thats when a nice copper came up and put the band on my wrist.

"Bloody idiot!" she said to me with a smile.

Thats when you know you made the right choice all those years ago and ID cards are just an excuse to rort more money out of us so that imbecilic youths can get a job.

Suffice to say I got really pissed, started 5 fights and robbed a liquor store on the way home where I beat my wife and shot the dog.

A good night out all round.