SIX, FOUR, OUT - 21 reasons to be a cricket fan

Oh I say, how the diddly do are you old bean?

Today was an utterly glorious day in Blighty. The sun shone on the good citizens and this sceptred isle set in a silver sea truly lived up to its reputation.

The boats ghosted by in the misty waters off Portsmouth like half remembered memories from the days when Brittania ruled the waves and all in all it was perfect.

Not only that but my beloved Leeds United won a game of soccer and almost certainly saved themselves from relegation. HOOOOOOOOORAY!!!

But best off all its the start of the English Cricket season and for the first time I can remember its not raining!!

I have to confess to being a cricket nut. Now you may wonder why. Most people do but let me explain it to you.

REASONS TO BE A CRICKET FAN

1. A county season ticket has cost me £160. For that I get 45 days of free cricket.
Thats £3.50 per day.
Less than I spend in a hour at Starbucks or about 40 minutes of parking in London.
Value?
I should say so.

2. You do not need to be athletically gifted to enjoy it.

3. You do not need any special clothing.
4. You do not need to know what is going on.
You need to know who is playing - roughly. No names just geographical areas. Chances are one team is from the county you are in so that's a start.

5. The game is county / country based so there is no chance of aggro between towns.
Eg. knowing its Hampshire versus Warwickshire is enough.
(Who can act like a hooligan when it's a match like that?)

6. You can sit down all day.

7. You can drink all day.

8. There are no police in riot gear or nasty songs to sing.

9.You can drink all day.

10. The general perception is that it is a boring and slow game - it isn't . We pretend it is so that it stays perfectly civilised.

11. You can drink all day and not be called a trouble maker.

12. Posh people love it but they respect poor people who love it too.

13. You can eat all day so long as you are drinking.

14. It is not played in America, China, or South America so the competitions are not stupidly commercialised or played by cry babies who fall over when the umpire looks at them.

15. You can drink all day and talk crap with your mates and still keep an eye on the game.

16. Your wife thinks it is respectable.

17. If you are lucky you can go to: India, Australia, England, Ireland, New Zealand, Pakistan, South Africa, Zimbabwe, Kenya, Holland, Canada, West Indies, Sri lanka, Bangladesh and make friends instantly.

18. Your mates will only need to come along once before they are converted.

19. If you loose its not the end of the world. If you win you are supposed to be gracious in victory. There is a nice tradiotion of kids getting involved and playing a game at the intervals on the main pitch - imagine that at the superbowl or Wembley.

20. Even the biggest stars of the game will come over and say hello and sign autographs for your "sisters". Bouncers are fast balls not fat men in shades as far as cricket is concerned.

21. Did I mention you can drink all day?

It's all tickey boo now as far as i am concerned.

Albion is no longer perfidious.
It is perfect and I can't wait for the slap of leather on willow.

FNAAAARRRR.

Beck to Basics

Once again enconsced in the bosom of my homeland and I am investing most of my time in negotiations that could well alter the structure of our little empire forever. I can't tell you more about that right now but I can say that we have been approached by some very nice chaps who want to get into the business.

In many ways that's reassuring - knowing that there are more lunatics about with the same dementia as me.

As a part of our "discussions" there have been long winded conversations about what strategy we should be employing in the face of the new digital world. I am happy to report that no one has any idea but everyone pretends that they have. How do we deal with CD sales falling through the floor and peer to peer and all the stuff that everyone else writes about? Well, frankly I don't care anymore.

The latest conference was too much for me and if this deal doesn't come off I am announcing now to you - my dear music lovers - that we are going to revamp the entire label and dump a whole load of ancient practises. It is time for us to be leaders not followers.

Change is always a real problem but thankfully there aren't that many of us and we are all pretty flexible so it won't really hurt. I wish the same could be said for everyone.

America is a tough place at the best of times but when the cash cows are being slaughtered there is inevitably going to be internecine warfare. Here in the UK the ripples are spreading. Warners have dumped the UK CEO this week and all is not well at EMI (as we have learnt already). God knows what happening behind closed doors in LA right now.

I will bet you as soon as the redundancy notices land in Hollywod Boulevard that will be a whole load of "OH YEAH DUDE - FOR CERTAIN" arse lickers out there who have suddenly developed an unhealthy interest in the new kids on the block - DAVE AND VIC; otherwise known as Posh and Becks. These people are called vultures and should be avoided at all costs.

Maybe there will be an entirely new entertainment industry founded by the King and Queen of Europe that actually pays attention to what the rest of the world finds interesting but if these chaps get innvolved I doubt it. Self interest and creativity do not make good bed fellows but with Posh and Becks I think they know the game better than anyone. Beware America, the European self obsessed are getting pretty good at playing that game. The rules are changing.

In case you don't know - the entire globe (including North Korea and excluding Australia and the USA) has an obsession with soccer. Without doubt the greatest stars of this sport are the players of a few select teams - Manchester United, Real Madrid, Juventus and Barcelona and Liverpool. These guys earn money on the field that is staggering - try $250 000 a week for a rough guide. Then add on the merch and other rights and you can soon see that they are individuals who are industries in themselves and of all these chaps the biggest is by far DAVID BECKHAM. A very smart boy who speaks English, Spanish and style fluently. He is also talented, handsome and a walking sexual fantasy for most of the gay men in the Western Hemisphere.

Becks is married to a Spice Girl and now he has signed to play for the LA Galaxy for £125 million for the next few years. Thats about $400 million in your American dollars! Even if America carries on ignoring everyone outside of the 50 states I promise you this guy will make an impact on your lives. He is bigger than General Motors and much more profitable.

All this is a great example of how to make change a great bonus if you have the foresight to try something new. hats of to the Galaxy. They can't fail to make their money back.

So I am hoping that simply by think about what Becks has done will, by some osmotic process, help us to create a new way of working that is massively profitable and also kind of fun. Hope after all is another thing we are all short of.

So there you are. Think big - Think different and maybe look at places where no one else will go and there may be a golden opportunity awaiting.

Like Starbucks signing McCartney it is all about associating yourselves with a big image to grab the attention and then hoping you haven't backed the wrong name. I think LA Galaxy have it right and Starbucks are about to eat the bitter beans of a balls up.

Cali nikta