GLOBALISATION

I just got this on an email

How excellent is this!

Finally, a definition of globalization

I can understand and to which

I can relate

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess

Diana's death.



Question: How come?

Answer:

An English princess with

an Egyptian boyfriend

crashes in a French

tunnel, driving a

German car

with a Dutch engine,

driven by a Belgian

who was drunk

on Scottish whisky,

(check the bottle before you change the spelling),

followed closely by

Italian Paparazzi,

on Japanese motorcycles;

treated by an American doctor, using

Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by

a Canadian,

using Bill Gates's technology,

and you're probably reading this on your computer,

that uses Taiwanese

chips, and a

Korean monitor,

assembled by

Bangladeshi workers

in a Singapore plant,

transported by Indian

lorry-drivers,

hijacked by Indonesians,

unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,

and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

That, my friends, is Globalization

Swiss slumbers

SXSW kicks off again next week and like every year everyone in the industry is gearing up for a week of beer, boppig and blagging. Except me.
I have taken this year off - the cohorts are over there mixing it up with the indie scene kings but I just haven't got it in me this year.
Instead I have been to Zurich to deposit a massive amount of money stolen from bands who are now on food stamps in the mid west town of "yessum Jethro"

After the gnomes took my ill gotten gains into their tiny , but somehow perfectly sculpted vaults I went into the hinterland where I am now ensconced with a cup of Ovaltine. I have booked myself in for 6 months in a Swiss herbalist retreat where i am having intensive treatment for post release depression.
Every day the doctors prescribe herbs and bottles of fresh Madagascan air to help me recover from millions of air miles and only slightly fewer musicians.

It is heavenly.

The only music is the sound of thebirds and the occassional clank of the cow bells on the mountains. Berne is amazing this time of year.

No one has called me dude and the distant glitter of lights on the lake are a tonic for the soul.

This is what music has driven me too.

I may be back.
Then again I may not.

Its nice here in paradise.

You should try it sometime.
Stop worrying and trying so hard.
It will happen if it happens.
If it doesn't so what. have an egg nog and go to bed.

Things will look better in the morning.

NO MORE DEMOS PLEASE

Thats it.
No more demo's please until further notice.
No Mp3's or website referals or anything.
Thank you

RUDENESS

This has nothing to do with music, but why are people so rude?

I have just put an ad on ebay for a sxsw pass and listed it as a Gold pass. Genuine mistake and the blurb that went along with the ad makes it clear that its music only.

First off all someone asked me if they can collect it in cash at the venue! Duh. If I was there I wouldn't be selling the pass would I?

Then another numpty wants to "buy it now" despite the fact they can buy one direct from sxsw at cost immediately anyway - so what's the point in putting it up for auction? Is the whole world on a mission to rip off anyone they can?

Then another says that its too much. SO DON"T BUY IT! What good is that comment?

Now I have another one telling me I am defrauding the public by calling it a Gold pass. Pedant could see what it was all along. I apologised but it is a rather sad state of affairs when even something as simple as this results in threats.

Finally I listed a cryptic ad for potential new band members and got this as a reply,

"I think what you are asking people to do is wank for coins......"

Now that really defeats me. Why bother?

I replied and told the emailer that they were not the chosen one and to have a nice day. Amazingly she replied with this:

" Good luck with finding 'The chosen' : ) "

at last ... civility

So, if anyone wants to spam and abuse please think twice. I have had enough of rude abusive people to last a lifetime. No wonder its all messed up.

Maybe we could start a list of people who are abusive and send them all roses. That might cheer them up (and perhaps the bug that has crawled up their arses would come out and smell the perfume.)

Peace dear reader. Peace to you and Peace off to the obnoxious.

The link to the sxsw ad is on this blog if you read it in time

Dreams and Disasters

"There are a million things I want to do today. But I'll do none of them."

If you know which album thats from you are a true afficianado of our releases.
I won't be doing the million things because .....

I have had a major bust up with the band about money. (Twas ever thus!)

They told me that I should be ashamed of myself.

Why? Because the money from downloads never arrived with us so we couldn't pass it on to them.

Basic accounting stitch up.

Immediate threats of legal action and that kind of thing.

Replies stating clearly - demonstrably .... NO MONEY FOR US = NONE FOR YOU

Band hates me and thinks I am a thief.

Would rather believe lies told by the guys who actually did them over because the sweet talk them and say Dude every five words.

Dude is not a word it is a ranch.

Crook is a crook in any language.

What can be said by me to counter this belief that I have stolen from the mouths of babies and rendered musicians homeless and destitute?

Bog all is what.

Sometimes it is a shitty business.

Sometimes.

3 am

3am and the music is pumping out. Vodka in huge amounts being swilled down the throats of two desperate idiots after watching Liverpool beat Barca away.

What has that got to do with music?

Not much, but it goes to show that we are all in the entertainment business now and fighting for the dollars is getting harder.

Consider this my disciples - limited disposable income can be spent on:

Nintendo wii
Sports - eg Liverpool away in Spain
Gigs
CD's
Downloads
Cinema
Your lover
New car / house / horse / pygmy squirrel pet

How are we to make music - live or recorded more desireable?

The old ways are going to have to adapt or like the Dodo music as we know it will die out!

I can't give you an answer but it is an interesting question isn't it?

EMI

For those of you who read this blog you are no doubt already aware of the disaster that has befalled EMI.

On the day of the BRIT awards Briatians premier music co has announced a profit warning because of downloads and loss of CD sales. (oh and Robbie Williams being useless).

So what? Nothing new there then is there?

Well no. Nothing short of calamity for the majors. But what it does mean for us indie guys is that alhough the monsters of rock are suffering they are also wounded and angry and that doesn't always bode well.

What does that mean? It means that they are going to continue to use their muscle to swam us in all arenas and try to destroy the indie labels as fast as they can.

Buy - Break - Bust

That's the method you use as a cartel to get rid of the opposition and thats exactly what they are doing.

Of course there will be people who come out as winners - I predict that Domino will be worth a fortune soon. But leaving that aside what does it mean for you and me?

Carnage is what.

V2 and Capitol are already merged and the other majors will follow shortly with cost cutting. Acts will get dropped and a lot of publications will go to the wall. I can't see magnet or Spin surviving as published mags when they have Pitchfork and All music Guide to compete with.

There is going to be one hell of a shake out and there will be bodies all over.

Stores are already in the shit and Distro is close behind. Labels are their suppliers and once they go to the wall what will they distribute? Oranges?

For my part I think that US distribution is a joke. They take 25% of sales and penalise you for non sales. Then they say its your fault and you oew them even though they have kept your money for moths in interest accounts and never actually confess where the money has gone. A right royal stich up all round.

So here is my theory for what to do:

Stuff physical distro unless you have an amazing deal.
Only go for Digital
Ignore the press and A&R etc and just gig your ass off.
If you are in the business as a non muso, get a job on the door at the Hollywod Bowl.
become a roadie
or failing all that make a living on the lecture circuit as a cabaret act for businesses that are in flux.

Enjoy the future kids - Who knows what happens tomorrow!!!

Royal Levitation Cult

Joie Calio has come up with a name for his new band and its amazing:
ROYAL LEVITATION CULT.

They are in the studio right now ( Feb 07) recording their new album.

Joie remains a member of DADA but this new project of his is simply fantastic.

Wait until you hear it.

AS WE ARE HOTTER THAN A STAR

Oh you gotta love this. AS WE ARE are already a sensation in Aus and I haven't even seen the stage show yet.
I came across them at a rehersal in a studio in Brisbane last year when they were playig silly buggers. Suddenly they are the hottest Brisbane band since the Grates or Powderfinger.
Go figure! Right under my nose and then POW!! Just as soon as I relocated to the UK.
Guess I better get the guys over to America soon so they can see what real rockers look like!

Check these out:

http://www.timeoff.com.au/index1.php?area=News&pg=32&subarea=32&sel=1027

http://www.ravemagazine.com.au/component/option,com_mamblog/Itemid,116/task,

DIGITAL DAYS

ARE WE IN A MESS IN THIS BUSINESS?

Well. not really.

Are we confussed old men with no idea whats going on. Probably.

Digitals better for artists and indie labels than CD on the whole.

Guess so 'cos its cheaper but the downsideis that it sounds like crap.

(That's real old man talk - no tune - wheres the melody? etc)

Actually its pretty good to listen to in the car as rule and with the new HD and Satellite channels coming to life its all vibrancy and madness out there.

In the UK, despite the recent collapse of Music Zone and Tower we are still in there fighting. Trouble is that so is everyone else. Its what they call lowering the barriers to entry.

That has a knock on effect which is that you need even more cash to make a noise using traditional methods. WE all have to think differntly.

Turns out Fopp have bought Music Zone so maybe they wil be better stores than before. That takes them from about 50 stores to over 150. No mean feat in one move. And it just shows that there are opportunities out there. You need to grab them whilst you can. WELL DONE FOPP!

So, Listen you other retailers (HMV, VIRGIN ETC) - Stop being so damn retro and get into the new world. Place user friendly download portals in every shop. Fill the pace with Apple Macs and make it look cool. Take a tip from the phone shops and give the consumer extra. The old listening booths would be a good start - headphones make you look dorkey unless they are worn as a fashion statment and the kids with $200 hair cuts will not wear them - oh and you get nits!

Up the game and stop trying to shortchange us all. Add massive stocks that are representative of music and not just Universal's A&R department. You get them on sale or return anyway so enough with the crap that you have no space. Use it better!

Here is my top retail tip - more free sex for all. Works everywhere else. What the hell is sexy about shopping for CD's? BOG ALL THATS WHAT!

In fact that's the key. Bands should offer to shag all the audience instead of the audience lusting after the bands.

Anyone out there got anything to say?

BRIT AWARDS

HERE THEY ARE AND SOME A GREAT

SOME OF COURSE ARE UTTER SHIT!

YOU CHOOSE


British Male Solo Artist

James Morrison Polydor/Universal Music

Jarvis Cocker Rough Trade/Sanctuary

Lemar White Rabbit/Sony BMG

Paolo Nutini Atlantic/Warner Music

Thom Yorke XL Recordings/Beggars Group

British Female Solo Artist

Amy Winehouse Island/Universal Music

Corinne Bailey Rae EMI/EMI Music

Jamelia Parlophone/EMI Music

Lily Allen Regal Recordings/EMI Music

Nerina Pallot 14th Floor/Warner Music

British Group
Arctic Monkeys Domino Recordings/Domino Recordings
Kasabian Columbia/Sony BMG
Muse Helium 3/Warner Bros/Warner Music
Razorlight Vertigo/Universal Music
Snow Patrol Fiction/Universal Music
MasterCard British Album
Amy Winehouse Back to BlackIsland/Universal Music
Arctic Monkeys Whatever people say I am, that’s what I’m notDomino Recordings/Domino Recordings
Lily Allen Alright StillRegal Recordings/EMI Music
Muse Black Holes & RevelationsHelium 3/Warner Bros/Warner Music
Snow Patrol Eyes OpenFiction/Universal Music


British Single
5 nominees decided by commercial radio hit40uk and The A List listeners. Winner chosen by radio and TV viewing audience live on show night

Corinne Bailey Rae Put your records onEMI/EMI Music
The Feeling Fill my little worldIsland/Universal Music
James Morrison You give me somethingPolydor/Universal Music
Kooks She moves in her own wayVirgin/EMI Music
Leona Lewis A moment like thisSony BMG
Lily Allen SmileRegal Recordings/EMI Music
Razorlight AmericaVertigo/Universal Music
Sandi Thom I wish I was a punk rockerSony BMG
Snow Patrol Chasing carsFiction/Universal Music
Take That PatiencePolydor/Universal Music
Will Young All time love19


British Breakthrough Act
Winner chosen by Radio 1 listeners

Corinne Bailey Rae EMI/EMI Music
Fratellis Island/Universal Music
James Morrison Polydor/Universal Music
Kooks Virgin/EMI Music
Lily Allen Regal Recordings/EMI Music


British Live Act
Nominees chosen by a panel of experts in association with The Live Music Forum. Winner chosen by Radio 2 listeners

George Michael Sony BMG
Guillemots Polydor/Universal Music
Kasabian Columbia/Sony BMG
Muse Helium 3/Warner Bros/Warner Music
Robbie Williams Chrysalis/EMI Music
International Male Solo Artist
Beck Interscope/Universal Music
Bob Dylan Columbia/Sony BMG
Damien Rice 14th Floor/Warner Music
Jack Johnson Brushfire/Island/Universal Music
Justin Timberlake Jive/Sony BMG
International Female Solo Artist
Beyonce Columbia/Sony BMG
Cat Power Matador/Beggars Group
Christina Aguilera RCA/Sony BMG
Nelly Furtado Geffen/Universal Music
P!nk LaFace/Sony BMG
International Group
Flaming Lips Warner Bros/Warner Music
Gnarls Barkley Warner Bros/Warner Music
Killers Mercury/Universal Music
Red Hot Chili Peppers Warner Bros/Warner Music
Scissor Sisters Polydor/Universal Music
International Album
Bob Dylan Modern TimesColumbia/Sony BMG
Gnarls Barkley St ElsewhereWarner Bros/Warner Music
Justin Timberlake FutureSex/LoveSoundsJive/Sony BMG
Killers Sam’s TownMercury/Universal Music
Scissor Sisters Ta DahPolydor/Universal Music


International BreakthroughAct
Winner chosen by MTV Spanking New Music viewers

Gnarls Barkley Warner Bros/Warner Music
Orson Mercury/Universal Music
Raconteurs XL Recordings/Beggars Group
Ray Lamontagne 14th Floor/Warner Music
Wolfmother Island/Modular/Universal Music
Outstanding Contribution to music
Oasis Big Brother

Free Bumper stickers for SXSW attendees

Free Bumper stickers for SXSW attendees just get in touch whilst we are there.

Predictions for 2007

WELCOME TO 2007!

So what do we expect from this year?

as ever here are a few predictions to whet your appetite and annoy your neighbours.

1. The Democrats will make no real difference to the corruption that has taken over the hill.
2. I will buy a dog to replace my beloved old mutt who passed away in December.
3. There will be a lot of hype about Mika and probably a few hits but then he will become a fixture on Celebrity Big Loser.
4. Donald Trump will declare bald to be the new rich and Lindsey Lohan will shave her head.
5. Britney will OD and leave a lasting legacy of superlative tunes and a small oily stain on Paris Hiltons shoes.
6. Wolfmother will conquer the USA
7. There will be a big protest somewhere everyweek about something.
8. Global warming will end and we will all freeze in February.
9. Global Warming will begin again and we will all get heatstroke in summer.
10. Medical investments will prove profitable
11. You will buy shoes
12. A trully crap song will make the No1 slot in the UK on downloads alone. - Crazy frog anyone?
13. Germany will produce a global megastar called Adolf
14. France will not.
15. Shane Warne will become my best mate and run away with my wife in early August.
16. I will finally become famous with my own colum in the News of the World.

Superstar

Glovebox - the track that made it onto the Top 10 of Logo TV this year.

licker licence

GLOVEBOX TV AD

Story of

From The debut Heavenly States album

ossama bin lozenge

THE HEAVENLY STATES

newhall

A great track taken from the Bedroom Walls CD - ALL GOOD DREAMERS. The full HD clip is on the album!

Now the Sun is Out

Greg Johnson

LILY ALLEN and free tickets

Well its good to see that the Heavenlies are back in the swing of things. After their enormous ssecret show in Seattle last weekend the secret is out.

The sites has been pummelled with loads of new hits and people seeking after truth so if you are keen on knowing what's going on stay tuned.

Just to prove what a global and excellent bunch we are as well you can get free tickets to the Greg Johnson show in London on Dec 20th 2006 if you email us with your name. That offer is open until we run out of seats so get a big gang togther and put yourselves on the list.

It is an early show so you can get hammered in the pub afterwards as well.

ROCK ON CHRISTMAS I SAY!