The Shipping Forecast

After expending my carbon credits by flying back from the land of the fathers I landed at Gatwick - the worlds most god forsaken airport - so that I could rush up to a meeting at the legendary townhouse studios in London.

This place is an amazing labyrinth of studios and mastering suits that has a history that basically writes the last 30 years of the british music business.

The great thing about my little visit is that both Al and Steve took me for a guided tour of the entire place - from the basement to the roof an it was a really charming place to be. I can see why musicians love it so much. In the bowels of the building I came across boxes of old DAT tapes from everyone who has ever been there. I picked up a dusty box and found it was an old Beta video tape of Iron Maiden live in Rio. Lying gathering dust in a damp basement - the stuff of legend. Someday someone will have a clear out and find hidden treasures like this that have been long forgotten.

It is sort of reassuring to find that despite my most cynical moments there are still places that have a real scent of musical history still hanging about.

On the way up to London I switched on the radio and heard one of the great British institutions - the Radio 4 SHIPPING FORECAST. In case you have never heard this it is just a list of sea areas and pressures, sea conditions and yet somehow it is redolent of the entire history of Britain. "Cromarty , Forth, Tyne Dogger. West North West 1008, falling." is the kind of thing you hear. "Thames, Dover Wight. gale force 8 gusting 9. Imminent."

The thing with the shipping forecast is that no matter what the weather man is saying he always says it in a clear calm voice so that boats out at sea can hear it and write it down. That way they will know in advance if they are going to sink in the perfect storm later that day. Nice. I only wish there was a music business forecast.

Can you imagine a broadcast that you could tune into that went along these lines:

"Digital, Live, Merch - 40% rising slowly.
Licence, Sync, Myspace. Anti-cyclonic. Steady.
Labels. Legals, CD, Retail, falling fast. Collapse Imminent."

What a relief that would be.

As you know we are at the unknown edge of a new weather front in the way music is managed. It is unpredicatable. A bit like the winter. One day calm, the next stormy. I do feel that right now the storm is just passing over and we may even emerge from the other side in the next year or two. It is feeling better now that it has for ages.

One thing that does worry me is that I have heard a few bits of news from the big city. Remember where you heard it first ( or second or ages ago ...)

Firstly Whitfield St studios shut down whilst I was in Aus. What a shame. Brilliant massive space, right in the centre of London. Then Sarn is in the dung again and so is Olympic and even Abbey Road is losing cash. What a terrible omen for the technicians and guardians of yore and what an opportunity for the new bucks with verve and a few dollars to spend on Pro tools and a decent Mac.

Clever men i shite coats with shiny heads are always inventing new ways to record and technology is always changing so that isn't really a problem but, what may be a problem is the loss of a community and shared experiences that places like these create. Its what what we all got into the business for after all. Weeks of sweaty hedonism in the dark, dank rooms where others have already behaved badly and brilliantly allow a certain creative freedom that a bedroom studio does not. I mean aren't you more likely to knock of the hookers and gak in a creative haze when you are in a proper studio than when you are blogging or watching clips on you tube whilst you wait for that damn render to finish?

We allow these places to decay at our peril.

Save the wailers.
Save the wail.

Achtung International

Guten morgan,

I have been granted a few days dispensation by the gnomes so I have come over here to Berlin to catch up on the cricket world cup and Eurovision.

Flying in to the old East german airport - which is now a bunch of sheds along the coldest airfield in the world - was a bit odd. The last time I was here I was a student and damn nearly got to spend my vacation in Spandau ( I know thats in the West but I can't remember the name of the Eastern prison). Anyway, I don't recommend that place one bit. It's a real dump, especially after Zurich and its starched linen everything.

In many ways it's rather heartening to be here in the old east. I rode along in the cab just looking. Seeing bits of wall and old buildings that used to house the Ministry of music and other stuff like that. I finally dragged up at my hotel - THE AROCTEL - in case you were wondering - expecting austere communist decay and instead got a boutique with hand made carpets with pictures of Brecht and Marlene Dietrich and all those other German pop icons. Its really cool. Miles better than a Four Seasons, stock box. The hotel is in the old East and from the window you can see the massive telecom tower that used to represent the gravestone of thousands of dead escapees. The synagogue that was the target on Krystal Nacht is just down the street. This is a really heavy place in history. Just by the front door is the S Bahn and tram lines that used to symbolise the ppossibility of escape and the daily charade of hope and dread (dependent upon which side of the old wall you lived on).

I have also discovered the best Thai restaurant in the world opposite the tube station - I kid you not it is amazing! Look for the christmas lights.

Back to matters more musical -From here the pursuit of European domination was launched and it was here that it perished. And that is what makes Eurovision so brilliant.

I guess most Americans won't have heard of Eurovision so let me explain. It is a pan continental competion that takes in every country from Israel - Europe??? to Finland and Iceland and from Ireland to Moldova.

Which neatly reminds me if you know aything about cricket did you see Ireland and bangladesh last night? Two minnows of the game hammered India and Pakistan on Paddys Day. There is hope for all of us if that can happen!

Anyway, Eurovision is an excuse for all the gays. transexuals and frustrated cabaret singers on an entire continent to sing away in front of millions of like minded people. ABBA started here.

It has been won by an Isreali transexual in the past and last year was won by LORDI a Finish band that never reveal who they are and instead dress as monsters from hell who hapen to lay hard rock. They drew th biggest EVER crowd in Helsinki last year with 90 000 people. So as you can see it's a big deal. It is also not open to Americans and that changes the entire perspective of the competition.

Isreal has a band that want to "PUSH THE BUTTON" this year as a dig at the Iranians - ironic really as the only ones who ever get shot are Arabs. The UK rejected hip hop act Big Brotaz and elected a group called Smoosch who are as camp as a row of tents and as for Holland......!

Now despite the fun of Eurovision there is one thing that never fails and that is the voting. You can see geo-political arguments every year when it comes to votes. Greece will always gove Cyprus 10 points. Cyprus gives Greece 10 points. Germany always votes for Isreal and Israel always igonores Germany. France will never vote for anyone who has a hope of winning unless its Belgium and everyone else is so pissed they can't remember who to vote for so they vote for Ireland.

Thats why Eire has won it about 40 times and is in danger of going bankrupt because believe me when I say that a donkey with a sore throat is better than half of the acts in the comp. Ireland can't produce a bad singer even if they resort to tonsilectomy so they keep on winning.

I really hope this year that Europe does what it always does and flips out as soon as the temperature goes over 10c and votes for the chick from Malta. I haven't heard here but apparently she has tried and failed to get in 11 times before and when you think that there are only 14 people from Malta who enter every year she has got to be pretty bad. But she is persistent and she will enjoy the week in Finland more than any other man alive (woman). So when the time comes VOTE MALTA! Reward Endeavour and get this girl to the top of the charts in 30 countries. God knows she has got to be better than some who have made it already!

The reason I am here is to do a deal with a contact from East of the Bosphorous. We need to get into Russian and the old soviet block, so I met up with a guy who was the Turkish entrant in 1994 outside his club, the Artemis. Nice place and very original use of toweling - more on that another day. Suffice to say this guy gets whatever he wants and has a metod of doing business that is rather like that other Turkish emperor Ahmet Ehretegun RIP. His favourite triack was to bring two gilrls with him to a meeting and then use them to distract you from the deal just enough for him to come out as a winner. He would then leave and take the girls with him leaving a trail of destruction, legends and moist tissues in his wake.

BEWARE A TURK BEARING GIFTS!!

The old sinsister intrigue of the cold war is alive and well and living in Berlin. So is Electro so get over here if you play that stuff.

TCHUSE