A gift to the people

Blessing be upon you dear reader,

I have had a small moment to contemplate the meaning of generosity following the return of 15 Marines after their kidnap by Iran.

It seems to me that the West has been comprehensively out- P.R'd by our Islamic bretheren this time and whilst there has been a huge amount of speculation about power struggles and factional infighting in Iran the truth is that they just got really pissed off with being made out to be the bad guys all the time.

The US kidnapped 5 of their guys in January and pretended that they knew nothing about it. They have lost 2 generals to "special forces" snatch squads and just like us they were pretty hacked off about it. So they grabbed some of our blokes and then made a big show of giving them back after 2 weeks of stalling and making Blair look like a pussy. I guess that sometimes what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

In otherwords - the politicians deserved a good slap from Mr Ahmadinajad this time.

I am glad that no one got killed for once.

The generous gesture is a pretty fair analogy for what should happen in the music world right now.

There are major powers out ther who are happily fucking with our lives and really egging on the reactionary forces by claiming that the cyber world is real and that we should all aspire to become Avatars living our lives by proxy.

I say - Bollocks!

Real life is far more important and if you want to spend your lives in the pointless pursuit of virtual thrills you should istead try to learn something.

Like for example, the gift that is music itself.

Don't fool yourself that the only way to go is down the Western music road.

Did you know for example that Arabic music has a whole different set of scales with 24 notes in an octave? Or that they sing in quarter tones which we don't even acknowledge in the West?

If you did - Great.
If you didn't you need to find these things out. That way you might just be the guy who invents a whole new way of making music just like those old Blues guys became the basis for all the stuff we play today.

ADVOCATE CHANGE

ADVOCATE KNOWLEDGE

ADVOCATE GENEROSITY

Happy Easter

CHEAP CD's

You have been warned people!


"It's unwise to pay too much, but it's worse to pay too little. When you pay too much, you lose a little money - that is all. When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything, because the thing you bought was incapable of doing the thing it was bought to do. The common law of business balance prohibits paying a little and getting a lot - it can't be done. If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well to add something for the risk you run, and if you do that you will have enough to pay for something better."

Professor John Ruskin M.A. (1819-1900)

OLD ROCKERS

Feliz me ol' mates,

I have just returned from a hearty couple of days in the heart of the City. London City. England, Europe.

In London there is a place called Camden and I recommend it to you folks most sincerely. Camden, as you may know, is the heart of all that is indie rock in the UK. It hosts the bands that everyone has played at including Barfly, Good Mixer, the Palace and many more. It is - in short - the UK's daily equivalent of Austin. Only in camden the market is better and so are the enourmous Doc Boots that hang on the walls of the shops.

I love Camden.
I met my Missus there and I have been to more mental events in that place than anywhere else.

Apart from Crouch End. Which has no indie pubs but loads of watering holes that have been known to sell me an intoxiacting beverage or two.

Anyhow, I met up with Mark Wilson - he of the guitar slap - and his manager to have a chat and a few pints. They had just come from making a TV show for Sky and Mark was looking a bit wobbly. At first I thought it was the beer, or the TV studio but it turns out he is to become a dad. Well done! So a few whets of the babies head later and MArk has gone home to the wife. Then along comes Ray "Thunderbird" Fresh from a tour with Seasick Steve and the Gemma Ray Ritual and then along comes Steve who has just been in Brisbane and NYC with Darren Hayes (Savage Garden) so all up it was a good old night. Steve's band - THE GREAT STATESMEN - played a show at Dublin Castle with some blokes called Spencer McGarry. Not keen on them but maybe that was becasue I had been through the best part of a gallon of John Smiths finest Ale by the time they came on. Everyone else seems to be enjoying it though so lets leave that there.

So the night was going great guns. I was perched on a table chwing the fat and slopping the ale when I stopped gibering for a moment and looked up. The room wasn't quite spinning but there was certainly a flashing blue light going on inside my head. You see as I looked about I realised that the 3 blokes from Warners weren't there anymore and that everyone else was at least 35.

Oh shit! I was just another old rocker watching another band in a pub in Camden and kidding myself that I was still out there at the cutting edge. But I wasn't was I? And neither was anyone else. We were all just going through the safe rituals that we know and trust. We were the music worlds version of a golf club committee. Fuck!

So, my bretheren I ask you to repent your sins and come join with me on a quest for the new and important. This rock n roll thing isn't just old its positively venerable. When the big shows are all aimed at the 60 plus age group and the cutting edge is attended by 40 something blokes in black jackets you know that the absorbtion of youth culture into the mainstream is complete.

It is a shame really. I know there is new talent out there - like these guys I saw the other year. He is a bit ofthe blurb about them:

"The Flairz is made up of three 11 year old rockers from Perth, Australia. They are John Mariani-guitar/bass/vocals, Scarlett Stevens-drums/vocals, and Dion Mariani-guitar/bass/vocals. Their brand of no nonsence rock and roll has gained them many fans in western Australia while opening for many big name bands including The Living End. They have also played to an audiance of thousands at Perth's famous Rock-It Festival in March 2004. The Flairz released their debut CD-EP on November 15, 2004."

They are young talented and I am sorry to say stuck with Dad's dreams of superstardom.

What the hell is the next thing?

Someone tell me please because I honestly have no fucking clue and with a hangover like the one I have today it is not something I am likley to figure out any time soon.

Catch you later

Men - why we can't pause

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Ah, my dear readers, what mirthful tales I have to tell you today. I need to tell you to be careful. VERY CAREFUL.

Why? Dangerous forces have been released in Manhattan. Think Hiroshima times 19. This is scary stuff and anyone under the age of 40 and / or in possession of testicles should beware. The lunatics have taken over the assylum and if this thing takes off you can be assured that Tin Pan Alley will shortly metamorphose into Chintz Floral Avenue.

The great thing about this tit-bit is that it might even motivate me enough to begin writing the book I always wanted to write - but probably never will - "Things I never thought I would hear as long as I live."

The news is that musical theatre is about to be assualted in ways never before imagined.
Yes indeed that banal, mindless, expensive dross that the passes for entertainment in minds of the over 50'sis under going a change.

A really fundamental change that will alter the way we think about Broadway forever......

ARE YOU READY FOR THIS...?

MENOPAUSE THE MUSICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, Jesus what next?

First we had to live through the Vagina Monologues, then we had the revenge of very angry women (aka Hilary Clinton / Maggie Thatcher / Amanda Vanstone et al) and now we have the musical meanderings of a bunch of slightly deranged and angry women on Broadway!

I wonder what the track list on the labium (sic) will be. I guess the artists recruited to sing will have to be "Blood Sweat and Tears" but even though I don't know for cetrtian which genre thes composers will adopt I have a few ideas of what songs they should cover, (add any you can think of yourself) :

HOT FLUSH (Donna Summer)
Spinning Around ( Kylie)
Prepare for the fight (Lovemakers)
I am woman, hear me roar ( Helen Reddy)
Patience (Take That)
Fish Heads - the "its your fucking supper; like it or lump it" remix (Zappa)

And the list goes on .....

Incidentally, do you know why it takes a menopausal woman 10 hours to roast a chicken?

IT JUST FUCKING DOES OKAY!


Keep passing those open windows kids :)

It just is cricket

G'day

I know that cricket has nothing to do with music but I have to tell you this one.
I heard it whilst watching the world cup from the West Indies.

A fine Aussie - Kerrie O'Keefe - told this one as Australia were bowling against Sri Lanka

A frog walks into a bank and goes to the counter. He sees from his badge, that the teller is called Paddy Whack.
"G'day, Paddy" he says, "My name is Kermit Jagger and I would like to borrow $30 000".

The teller looks at him in surprise and replies, "Well we would require some collateral for that sir. What do you have?"

The frog then produces a small pink elephant and hands it over the counter.

"I am sorry sir, what is this?" asks Paddy.

"It's a family heirloom", says Kermit "I am sure it will be enough.
Look, why don't you ask your manager he is a friend of mine?" continues the frog.

Off goes Mr Whack to see his manager.

He explains that there is a frog outside who wants to borrow $30 000 and that he is offering a small pink elephant as collateral. Paddy says, " I'm not sure what it is or what to do but he says he is a friend of yours."

The manager looks up and with a stern frown says,
"It's a nick-Nak Paddy Whack, Give the frog a loan. His old man is a rolling Stone!


Thank you and good night.

Puff Daddy is Almost Gay - WHAHEY!

Prodigious honourings to you my massed ranks of cognoscenti,

Today I opened the paper to find that Sean "Puffy Combs" had to make a rapid exit from the Maddox Club in London because he was approached by a big gay rich bloke. Aparently Puff was just chillin' with the bretheren when the mincer with the quiff sauntered over and tried to squeeze the knees of the MC's.

Laugh? I nearly shat.

I mean what does the guy expect?

Everywhere else in the English speaking world the world "Puff" is synominous with breakfast cereals and gay men. So unless you are going to leave the confines of your luxury sweet (sic) don't call yourself Puffy and expect not to be chatted up by another geezer!

In a way this is a great example of how branding works.

Call yourself Coke these days and there is a good chance a nice lady with no nose will invite herself to your barmitvah.
Or Tab and you are going to be surrounded by teenagers looking for a rave.

I guess you already know that the label is called Baria. The trouble with that is it was suppossed to be BARRIER. Just like the Reef. I thought that would be a kool name for an Aussie label. When I registered the name I was overseas and had to do it all by phone. The idiot on the other end heard my name and wrote it as BARIA. So now that's the name of the label. Okay I can live with that but it seems that Baria is a province in India and also something to do with fundamentalist muslims or something. Pretty ironic really, considering I hate all kinds of fundamentalists.

So in a nutshell my little peonies, beware of names. If you get it wrong you might get fondled by a person that isn't quite your cup of tea.

On the other hand - maybe a change is as good as a rest. Remember the lube dude.

Puff on Daddy.

Ciao

99% of record labels are crooks

Guten Morgen,

back to business sweet reader.

All the blogosphere "hints" pages tell you not to do this but I have just read a great article written by the guy who produced Nirvana.

I have put a link in so you can read it for yourselves.

Not all of us are on the same road.

Weirdly enough almost exactly the same scenario has happened to us this year and we are a label.
It happened because we trusted Mr Big in the distro chain and he took our pants down and probed the openings like a Navy Seal in Roswell.

Just read it and take note. It's very accurate and is a warning for us all. Indie, musician and dreamer alike.


http://negativland.com/albini.html

Is there any point?

Shalom beloved reader,

I sometimes wonder if there is really any point in writing this blog.

After all apart from you who is reading? I don't know and although Google are smart people I am sure they don't know either. Perhas more to the point I don't think they care. But I do. I really do.

So punters galore please tellme what you think. Even if you hate it. Say something.

I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that the biggest problem with our new internet world is that no one has any responsibility so no one gives a shit. It's so easy to ignore everyone and everthing if its virtual and the problem with that is that it is begining to infect our daily interactions.

If you want to get ahead inmusic you need fans. To get fans you need to make a connection and lets be honest here you are not going to connect with a computer in the same way you would conect with a person are you?

If we continue to ignore each other and react like real people we will be consigning ourselves to a future of electronic banality. I promise you - as an old old man - that if you don't get involved you will end up being shown the way by people who have. I will also promise that you will hate what they give you.

It is your world. Your future. Your now. So please get up and say something. If not to me then to someone else. Make life active and you will make it better.

Hype still has a place in the pantheon of pop but as a rule the music that makes it is the music that is accessed in person.

For example, today I spoke to someone who has 16 new bands to plug. 16 - and thats just one plugger. If you add all the others up thats a lot of noise out there drowning out your sound. So you need to out play - out perform and most of all out meet every other musician who crosses your path.

I realy hate it when bands come over all "I AM SOOO MUCH MORE TALENTED THAN THEM" and send the night slagging off the other guys on the bill. If you look at successful musicians you will see that the best of them listen and learn from their peers. You need to know what works and it's no damn good pretending you are brillinat when you aren't. There is no such thing as an overnight success. It has to be worked at.

When you run a label it can be really depressing to see talent waste itself just by being stupid and belive me we see it every day. There could be so many more happy and productive people if they just got up off their backsides and JUST DID IT!

So, my apprentice send a reply to this. Tell me I am wrong and see if you become famous by blogging or.... say hi and get your arse off the sofa and play a gig in your nearest bus stop. It will change your life if you do it every day.

Salaam Bretheren

Lies Damn Pies and Statistics

Goede Morgen,

in this infinately fascinating world there are a few things that pass by each of us that are guaranteed to make your hackles rise.

There are of course the politicians and self important numb butts that grace our TV screens each day. But they are on on-going problem, rather like genital lice: Annoying but hardly life threatening. Then there are the bullies and aggressors who can make your life so uterly miserable that its not worth a damn but lets be opitimistic ans say that they will get their come-up-ance. Karma works that way. But there is one more insidious creature that stalks the dark recesses of humanity.

I present the BUROCRAT.

As you are avid readers of my latest news, views and drivel you may already be aware of the potential disasters that await all of us who are trying to break out from the normal 9-5 routine. But have you ever been sucked into the machine that 9-5 really entails? I just have and it is horrible beyond compare.

You see the various governments we deal with all have their own particular way of trying to make you conform and woe betide you if you don't. I am sure that it all began as a well meaning experiment but that's no excuse; isn't that how Frankenstein came to life?

In the UK we now have new laws designed to prevent money laundering. These laws are so stupid that they almost stop anyone doing deals at all.

For Example, In order to borrow money you must provide a whole raft of I.D. Fair enough. But once you have done that you must then produce it again and again as each step of the process proceeds. It isn't enough that the bank is legitimate and they have known you for 10 years. They must hire a seperate, 3rd party, team to verify your existence. Why trust your own systems when a quick squeeze of the nether regions will determine if you are who you say you are. For this you are charged money which is then added to the debt and interest is added to that as well. No wonder efficiency is going to hell. No one can fart without paperwork being filed in triplicate with the complaince officer (noxious gasses) in Room 101 - The Stinky Building, Ponderous End, PO E.

America is even worse becuase of the damn federal system of taxes. Califoria sales tax, state, federal, IE something or other and so on. Paperwork is a real headache.

As for Aus it is so overgoverned that 98.3% of the population are employed filing and the other 1.6% are filling in forms.

Even so despite all this people are still trying to have a good time during their short sojorn on earth. But even as I write the clever bastards are maeouvering to make life more difficult. Not by letting us get on with our lives and concentrating on the important things in life like health, respect, and music but by inventing new kinds of taxes and fiddles to keep everyone on the treadmill.

Did you know that between them Bill Gates and Warren Buffet own as much as the bottom 30% of American society? That really makes their "generosity" plain. You can be generous when you own every fucking thing!

Have you also noticed how thin they are? Personal trainers - not cheap.

Bill and Buffett are two of the guys inventing things that slow your mind like spreadsheets and formatted documents. Thanks to them we can communicate but we can't spell. Carrier Pigeon anyone? The new net age has given us the option of talking directly to each other whereever and whenever we want to but it has als resulted in some unexpected side effects. Like BARIATRIC products. Piss taking buggers are using our name to promote chairs for wider people. (Something which America no longer has a monoploy on). You should see their stools (sic).

We have an obesity epidemic across the Anglicised world. What was once confined to the suburbs of Washington D.C. has now reached the extremities of the American empire. Thanks to Big Mac and Burger King and their helpful and ever dynamic allies at Coke.

NO FUCKING WONDER EVERYONES GETTING FAT! Who can get up and dance when you are forced to spend your days ticking boxes and undergoing examinations dictated by anally retentive accountants? (I bet there are some men who would pay good money to act out that scenario! Oh yes MR Tackle. Please inspect my Anal retention! etc)

Tick
Sip
Tick
Sip
Munch
Tick
Sip

So the purpose of this little rant is to try and resurect - with a minor alteration - the old slogan that made me get active. (I recently weighed 400 lbs due to middle aged spread - a Margarine substitute made by Nabisco. I only use organic lard and whale gristle on my Mighty White toast these days and the change is remarkable.


Here we go, then. Raise those knees and open that mouth. Now sing along.....

FUCK WORK LETS DANCE!

Via Condios funsters

THE POWER OF LYRICS

Felcitations devoted readers,

I bring you news and thoughts that may inspire or affect you as you see fit.

I have come across a story that made me think of just how powerful our words really are.
It behoves us all to ignore the proverb "sticks and stones' because it is patent rubbish. Words matter. They start wars and demonstrate love and everything we do is mediated by what we say and the way we say it.

Think of how these words have been appropriated and given new meaning and nuance - Nigger, Gay, Wog, Motherfucker, love, hate, queer, not. The list is endless but you see my point?

With that in mind I wanted to turn to lyrics and how they affect us. I am sure you have a favourite line from a song - Try these - "Out of my brain on the 5-15" or "I Don't give a damn I don't fucking care, Going kill my mum and dad and cut off all my hair," or "Hope, I wish you'd believe me." Or try Opera and take the interminable dirge that is Peter Grimes - " FISH, fish , fishermand, or "Oh Lord, forgive my bitter weeping" or "My tiny hand is frozen". And so it goes on.

As afficionado's of the musical librettists you will no doubt feel that I am labouring the point but I give you the following poem by way of apology. It was written by someone who was a witness to an unsolved murder on New Years Eve 07. This person has written the poem and posted it all over his estate in Bristol so that no one is in any doubt who the murderer is. His name has been removed from here but no doubt he will be singing your songs in jail. Makes a change from the dull apolgy for lyrics that most failed gangsta rappers pretend is "real".

Perhaps this should be the foundation for your next song

Adieu mes amies.


Now I will show how a few words can be made
As sharp and deadly as any boy's blade
How running away will not you save
The truth is there like an open grave


You can wipe your bloody hands in the grass, till they bleed...

A defenceless man is dead and his blood's gone cold
But the story of his end is going to be told


You can run and run till your shoes wear thin
And hope that you're safe, 'cos of the colour of your skin
Paul Kelly lies dead, and who held the knife?
It was you, [name removed], we all saw take his life.

The New Year was but a short hour old
When you and your mates were: Oh, so bold.
You put us to shame,
But we did the same.

It was black on white, so it must be right
It was you who said: 'He had it coming that night.'
Then you ran away and we turned our backs.
You said we would be next if we breathed a word
We took in you threats that now sound absurd

So we closed our eyes
And took in your lies

So where will you run when, at last, you face a brave man?
You gonna run once more through the streets, all a quiver?

Will wash yourself down in the deep, deep river?
Yow, young [name removed], where you threw the knife,
Listen to what I say and take good heed:
You can wipe your bloody hands in the grass, till they bleed...
But you will never, never get them clean.

Sax and Dregs and Rock n Roll

Salutations Hipsters.

Today I have little that is worthy of note to say so instead I thought I would tell you about a perfect moment in my rock n roll life.

The event in question took place some years ago and whilst it will never make it into the annals of pop history it will always be a day I will treasure.

A friend of mine, Trevski, was working as a roadie for that Tragic 70's hippy band - Supertramp.

Now you may say that is as uncool as it gets but I hapen to love Supertram and have done since I was a kid. My first encounter with them was when I was given their album "Breakfast in America" one Christmas when I was 13 and living in the desert near El Paso, Texas.

Years later, one sunny day in Cornwall I was driving in an opentop car with a gaggle of Dutch loonies who were all singing along to "Paris" as loud as their spliff expanded lungs could manage.

Crime of the Century reminds me of too many deep, depressing moments in the military (so does New England Billy Bragg which was my platoon song but I digress).

Ever since then their songs have re-appeared on the soundtrack of my life and as a result I just love them.

So on that wonderful day I flew down from Luton and into the heart of wealthy Europe - NICE. (You say neece not nice - its verry French yew no.) and jumped into a cab. 20 minutes, 100 Euros and a heart attack later I arrived at the coolest 'otel in the world.

That evening - after a trawl through the miniscule pricipality of Monaco - I met up with Trevski and the crew in the bar. Now, as you know the protocol in these siutuations is to keep your mouth shut, buy a round and blend in with the gang.

So off to the decorous bar I went. Standing there was an old guy all wrapped in Lycra and looking a bit lost. We nodded a greeting and then I realised it was the famous sax player John Hellawell. He of the sax solo and megaphone. Bloody Well Right it was!

The chat was lovely and it turned out he lived just up the road from where I grew up. What could I do? I bought the man a drink. I bought one for myself and I bought one for Trevski ad AJ the pseudo jewish guitar tech. So basking in the majesty of the moment I flashed the cash and paid the bill.

I stood at the bar for a few minutes more waiting for my change. Came there none. Instead the barman asked me for another 50 Euro.

That round cost me E150!!!! It also broke me for the night.

Thank god for the tour bus stash. No one was buying after that.

At the end of the weekend - which I am not going to describe because what goes on tour stays on tour - I checked out of the hotal and asked the concierge where the bus to Nice left from.

With a sneer that only a Frenchman can maintain he looked at me as if I were mad - "Sir, zer iz no bus."

Ok - I guess I will need to risk a taxi

"Taxi Sir? Why do you tek ze texi? Yew should tek ze helicopter." and with the ultimate withering pout "It is cheaper."

He was right. It was magical and it is the only way to see the Cote D'Azur.

Au Revior

Beck to Basics

Once again enconsced in the bosom of my homeland and I am investing most of my time in negotiations that could well alter the structure of our little empire forever. I can't tell you more about that right now but I can say that we have been approached by some very nice chaps who want to get into the business.

In many ways that's reassuring - knowing that there are more lunatics about with the same dementia as me.

As a part of our "discussions" there have been long winded conversations about what strategy we should be employing in the face of the new digital world. I am happy to report that no one has any idea but everyone pretends that they have. How do we deal with CD sales falling through the floor and peer to peer and all the stuff that everyone else writes about? Well, frankly I don't care anymore.

The latest conference was too much for me and if this deal doesn't come off I am announcing now to you - my dear music lovers - that we are going to revamp the entire label and dump a whole load of ancient practises. It is time for us to be leaders not followers.

Change is always a real problem but thankfully there aren't that many of us and we are all pretty flexible so it won't really hurt. I wish the same could be said for everyone.

America is a tough place at the best of times but when the cash cows are being slaughtered there is inevitably going to be internecine warfare. Here in the UK the ripples are spreading. Warners have dumped the UK CEO this week and all is not well at EMI (as we have learnt already). God knows what happening behind closed doors in LA right now.

I will bet you as soon as the redundancy notices land in Hollywod Boulevard that will be a whole load of "OH YEAH DUDE - FOR CERTAIN" arse lickers out there who have suddenly developed an unhealthy interest in the new kids on the block - DAVE AND VIC; otherwise known as Posh and Becks. These people are called vultures and should be avoided at all costs.

Maybe there will be an entirely new entertainment industry founded by the King and Queen of Europe that actually pays attention to what the rest of the world finds interesting but if these chaps get innvolved I doubt it. Self interest and creativity do not make good bed fellows but with Posh and Becks I think they know the game better than anyone. Beware America, the European self obsessed are getting pretty good at playing that game. The rules are changing.

In case you don't know - the entire globe (including North Korea and excluding Australia and the USA) has an obsession with soccer. Without doubt the greatest stars of this sport are the players of a few select teams - Manchester United, Real Madrid, Juventus and Barcelona and Liverpool. These guys earn money on the field that is staggering - try $250 000 a week for a rough guide. Then add on the merch and other rights and you can soon see that they are individuals who are industries in themselves and of all these chaps the biggest is by far DAVID BECKHAM. A very smart boy who speaks English, Spanish and style fluently. He is also talented, handsome and a walking sexual fantasy for most of the gay men in the Western Hemisphere.

Becks is married to a Spice Girl and now he has signed to play for the LA Galaxy for £125 million for the next few years. Thats about $400 million in your American dollars! Even if America carries on ignoring everyone outside of the 50 states I promise you this guy will make an impact on your lives. He is bigger than General Motors and much more profitable.

All this is a great example of how to make change a great bonus if you have the foresight to try something new. hats of to the Galaxy. They can't fail to make their money back.

So I am hoping that simply by think about what Becks has done will, by some osmotic process, help us to create a new way of working that is massively profitable and also kind of fun. Hope after all is another thing we are all short of.

So there you are. Think big - Think different and maybe look at places where no one else will go and there may be a golden opportunity awaiting.

Like Starbucks signing McCartney it is all about associating yourselves with a big image to grab the attention and then hoping you haven't backed the wrong name. I think LA Galaxy have it right and Starbucks are about to eat the bitter beans of a balls up.

Cali nikta

Just read this and weep America

He is a grumpy bugger but this just about gets it right.
Just about - even though he has no idea of British Geography and that my dear colonial cousins is unforgiveable!

T T FN

Which is posh for Ta Ta for Now.

Toodel oooo.


TAKEN FROM A POST ON: http://lefsetz.com

The Feeling At Shepherd’s Bush Empire

It’s different here. Everybody’s still a believer.

There’s radio. That everybody listens to. There’s television, featuring all the new acts. And tons of TV advertising and billboards to boot. There’s a vibe here, music is part of the fabric. David Byrne had it right. Same as it ever was.

At the Shepherd’s Bush Empire tonight I felt it was like 1964, and the Beatles were performing. The venue is unlike any in the U.S., that I’ve been to anyway. It looks like a legit theatre, but according to the history, it’s always been used for music.

On the floor people were packed in so tight it was almost like the Who in Cleveland.

And then there were THREE balconies. Hovering seeming feet from the stage. It was so intimate, you felt so THERE! There was a level of excitement we used to have HERE in the sixties. One that disappeared long ago, with the arena rock of the seventies and the MTV of the eighties.

Speaking of which, the Feeling covered the Buggles’ "Video Killed The Radio Star". I heard the initial notes and…couldn’t believe it.

But even more stunning was that everybody knew the words. They were singing along. Hell, many times during the show the audience functioned like a backup singer.

You’d think it would be all girls, aren’t they the only ones listening to pop?

But there were some oldsters like me. And twentysomething dudes who looked like they’d whomp you in a blind alley. But, they were singing along with every word.

It’s like music is the national religion here. Not like a sideshow in the U.S.

All the money and all the celebrity conspired to ruin the mainstream music scene in the States. The only shit worth seeing is under the radar. Whether it be Robert Randolph or some band in a club. The stars? They don’t seem to be playing to the fans, but to the media. Their devotion is to the bank, not the listener. It’s palpable. The mainstream music scene in the U.S. is so phony that you tune it out.

But according to Richard, CD sales are UP in the teenage demo in the U.K. I mean broadband penetration isn’t what it is in the U.S., but I see a lot of white headphones. Then again, CD prices are dropping here. Tesco is in a battle with Warner, it won’t even stock a couple of hit records until they bring the price down. Predictions are that CDs are gonna decline to five pounds, far less than half of what they were only a few years ago.

And this gig? Thirteen pounds and change. Which works out to under thirty bucks.

Furthermore, it’s cheaper than that. Because our money ain’t worth shit over here. Lunch at the museum today, a small salad, was twelve bucks. The ten minute cab ride to the venue? Twenty bucks. It’s not like we’re living in a third world nation in the U.S., but for the supposed greatest country in the world, we’re not looking too good. Hell, the FOOD is even good in London these days. The Tesco at the gas station doesn’t only put 7-11 to shame, it eclipsed Ralphs in quality, if not breadth.

So whatever anybody tells you, don’t take what’s happening in the U.K. to be representative of what’s happening in the U.S., and vice versa. They’re two completely different worlds. The U.S. has got Top Forty, comprised of hip-hop and a bit of pop, and the underground. With dinosaurs ruling the live venues.

In the U.K., the dinosaurs tour, hell, I saw an ad for HAWKWIND in "Q". But the up and comers, it’s a very vibrant scene. And it’s multifarious genres, in a way we haven’t seen in the States since the seventies.

Sure, the acts sell out and do endorsements here, but it’s not as big a deal, because people don’t believe in the myth. They know except for the Robbie Williamses, everybody’s doing it for a lark, and will be down in the pit working a day job with them soon.

As for the band…

The mix was HORRIFIC! The bass sounded like a chainsaw and dominated the mix. The solo in "Sewn" couldn’t even be heard. And the lead singer was just as jive as he was in L.A.

But it all didn’t fall flat here. The audience clapped hard for an encore. The early twentysomething girls in front of me drank their beer and shook their asses even though none of them had a man in sight. It was about the MUSIC! The way it made them feel. Real good.

Shepherds Bush Empire

__________________________________________

One more thing. It’s like a living record here. I was riding the Central line back from the venue and one of the stops was…"White City"! I thought Pete Townshend was being METAPHORIC when he named his album that.

And Harry talked about buying a house in Richmond. Which immediately reminded me of the Faces song.

And every time I look at the tube map, "Play With Fire" goes through my brain…

Now she gets her kicks in Stepney
Not in Knightsbridge anymore

You feel the musical culture here. You get a sense of where the musicians were coming from when they wrote those classic songs. After all, it’s not always sunny like in L.A., you have plenty of time to think, to be introspective, to let your inner feelings and hopes and dreams out in your songs. It’s less about shining on, and more about WE GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!

But most people never do.

The Feeling is an English thing. So many of today’s English acts just will not translate, they’re local productions and phenomenons. Makes you wonder why we went through twenty odd years of English music dominating the American charts.

And I open the paper on the train this afternoon and there’s a picture of the Battersea Power Station… Can you say ANIMALS???

SHIT KICKERS TO NO KNICKERS

Ah, Dear Reader,
today I bring you a tale of such cultural divides that it has left me glassy eyed and rolling on the floors with raucous laughter.

What a simple tale of grace versus feral laviciousness.

Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, an operatic Diva of a Maori persuassion, was recruited by Australian music company, LEADING EDGE, to perform a concert with the local talent - JOHN FARNHAM.

John Farnham is famous almost nowhere else but Australia. He is the epitomy of the Aussie "larrikin". In other words he is a fat balding, wealthy man who does not have much talent but who knows how to live up to the iconic symbols of Aus. by being surrounded by "mates" like the Prime Minister and financiers who own vinyards. TRUE BLUE.

GAG FROM THE OLD FOLKS HOME:
What's an Australians' favourite chat up line?
Brace yourself Sheila!

Dame Kiri decided - after spending $128 000 on a helicopter flight- that she simply couldn't do the show with Mr Farnham and so the promoters were forced to go out into the big wide world and recruit another artist. TOM "Didn't I sleep with your Mum in '63" Jones.

It is not unusualy for Diva's to get into a bit of a wobbly state and cancel shows but this was a bit different. Kiri was sued for non performance for $2 million. They court was convened and all the leading barristers gathered in their bewigged finery and argued the case with all the rigour of Rumpole and the guy from CSI. To and fro went the battle, like a veritable feeding frenzy until finally the judge asked Dame Kiri why she had pulled out of the show with the farm boys.


"I was concerned about the underwear being thrown at him, and him collecting it and holding it in his hands" she told Mr Justice of the Australian Supreme Court. At which point he no doubt called a recess and went into his chambers for a quick hand shandy and a bottle of rum.

Don't you just love the idea of a Dame who is used to singing in front of audiences consiting mostly of the living dead being revolted by kinickers thrown by a horde of menopausal shit kickers from the bush? I mean how clean can you get? I will guarantee you that every single pair has been washed and ironed and placed carefully in handbag before the show.

They probably have John Farnham knicker throwing displays at the local fairs in Dubbo and Eumundi. And I will also stake money on the fact that the chances of catching anything remotely contagious from them is infinitesimaly small.

But the Judge - being of sound body and rather unstable mind ruled in favour of Dame Kiri and her classless devotion to truth, justice and the puritan way.

Poor old Jonnie Farnham made his money and so did Tom Jones and I bet that all the randy ladies from the outback never gave the tame Dame another seconds thought.

I hope for their sake that having spent $300 on a ticket at least the blubbering mountain of flab that is Jonnie got them moist. He is the outbacks answer to female Viagra after all. I bet Dame Kiri is regretting not having a bash at that before she sings her last Aria. I know I would.


Kia Ora

The Shipping Forecast

After expending my carbon credits by flying back from the land of the fathers I landed at Gatwick - the worlds most god forsaken airport - so that I could rush up to a meeting at the legendary townhouse studios in London.

This place is an amazing labyrinth of studios and mastering suits that has a history that basically writes the last 30 years of the british music business.

The great thing about my little visit is that both Al and Steve took me for a guided tour of the entire place - from the basement to the roof an it was a really charming place to be. I can see why musicians love it so much. In the bowels of the building I came across boxes of old DAT tapes from everyone who has ever been there. I picked up a dusty box and found it was an old Beta video tape of Iron Maiden live in Rio. Lying gathering dust in a damp basement - the stuff of legend. Someday someone will have a clear out and find hidden treasures like this that have been long forgotten.

It is sort of reassuring to find that despite my most cynical moments there are still places that have a real scent of musical history still hanging about.

On the way up to London I switched on the radio and heard one of the great British institutions - the Radio 4 SHIPPING FORECAST. In case you have never heard this it is just a list of sea areas and pressures, sea conditions and yet somehow it is redolent of the entire history of Britain. "Cromarty , Forth, Tyne Dogger. West North West 1008, falling." is the kind of thing you hear. "Thames, Dover Wight. gale force 8 gusting 9. Imminent."

The thing with the shipping forecast is that no matter what the weather man is saying he always says it in a clear calm voice so that boats out at sea can hear it and write it down. That way they will know in advance if they are going to sink in the perfect storm later that day. Nice. I only wish there was a music business forecast.

Can you imagine a broadcast that you could tune into that went along these lines:

"Digital, Live, Merch - 40% rising slowly.
Licence, Sync, Myspace. Anti-cyclonic. Steady.
Labels. Legals, CD, Retail, falling fast. Collapse Imminent."

What a relief that would be.

As you know we are at the unknown edge of a new weather front in the way music is managed. It is unpredicatable. A bit like the winter. One day calm, the next stormy. I do feel that right now the storm is just passing over and we may even emerge from the other side in the next year or two. It is feeling better now that it has for ages.

One thing that does worry me is that I have heard a few bits of news from the big city. Remember where you heard it first ( or second or ages ago ...)

Firstly Whitfield St studios shut down whilst I was in Aus. What a shame. Brilliant massive space, right in the centre of London. Then Sarn is in the dung again and so is Olympic and even Abbey Road is losing cash. What a terrible omen for the technicians and guardians of yore and what an opportunity for the new bucks with verve and a few dollars to spend on Pro tools and a decent Mac.

Clever men i shite coats with shiny heads are always inventing new ways to record and technology is always changing so that isn't really a problem but, what may be a problem is the loss of a community and shared experiences that places like these create. Its what what we all got into the business for after all. Weeks of sweaty hedonism in the dark, dank rooms where others have already behaved badly and brilliantly allow a certain creative freedom that a bedroom studio does not. I mean aren't you more likely to knock of the hookers and gak in a creative haze when you are in a proper studio than when you are blogging or watching clips on you tube whilst you wait for that damn render to finish?

We allow these places to decay at our peril.

Save the wailers.
Save the wail.

The Lithuanian Property Market

It is incredible. Truly amazing. I am stunned.

Here I am sitting in the lobby of a rather swanky hotel in Deutchland with an imported - an it has to be said expenzive (sic) - copy of the Financial TImes in my hands when one of the unbiquitous inserts falls into my lap.
"
"Meet McEnroe, Becker, Cash etc" it says. Wimbledon 2007."

Now, I have not the slightest interest in Tennis. As far as I am concerned it is just another waste of effort but because it is a rather boring aspect to life on the road; this sitting in lobbies and waiting for things; I have quick squizz. Lots of nice pictures and blurb and then the price. JESUS!

Mens Doubles Finals - £2395!!!! Thats around $5000 US each!!!! Holy cow.

It isn't even for one of the singles finals.

For that money you get Strawberries, lunch and - television to watch the matches on the day.

The rugby world cup is in there too, That one is £ 2995 for 2 days including the final.

I do understand the corporate thing that is going on and that multi million dollar deals are done at these events but it has got me to thinking that we have really screwed up in the music business.

How can it be possible that that kind of money is being thrown about on sports when music is lucky to get away with a few quid for a CD?

It made me look at the pages of the FT a bit more closely today and I have found out some other interesting facts.
Did you know that the Lithuanian property market is 90% financed by Swiss Francs, or that there is a big fight going on for purchase of the Chicago exchange?

No, neither did I.

So what the hell has that got to do with us? Well, quite a lot in fact.

If Lithuania borrows in Francs and then the Swiss put the rates up their nice little earner becomes a bit of a disaster and that in turn leads to another episode like the one that is happening in the US sub-prime lending markets - look it up if you don't understand that. That leads to a collapse of confidence in the German, Lithuaniana banking sector and suddenly a big economy hits the skids.

Uh - YEAH BUT WHO CARES?

You should. Because if that happens and Germany goes pop (like a weasel not like Nena and her 99 luft ballons) the Euro loses value and makes European goods cheaper for everyone. Thus the American, Chinese and everyone else buys well engineered and stylish euro goods instead of brash and broken Chryslers.

The mighty economies lose sales and punish everyone with trade sanctions and bullshit like the Doha round of interminable trae talks. The rest of the world sees the Euro getting more valuable and gets shitty with the hawks on capital hill for once and Japan sells its holdings of the the dollar. The only thing thatis keeping Team USA afloat right now is Japanese and Arab money - remember that.

American confidence goes down and you find that the only things available now are not exactly the best - like Zenith Tv's instead of Sony's - and it gets more expensive to buy basics like your food. Money is getting tighter so you cut back on frivolities like music and sales decrease even more. Suddenly bands are getting dropped and the job you thought was safe is not and so it goes on and on.

It is the vicious circle.

Not a happy thought is it?

The Lithuanian property market has indirectly fucked up your record collection. Go figure...... as they say in parts west of here.

There is another option. We could actually revalue our own products and make them desireable and more expensive.

Take a leaf out of the classical book and make your shows so exotic and special that they become corporate events that people want to attend for "business purposes". What better way to attract publicity and value than by excluding the sweating proles from your gigs and making it all so exclusive that only the suits can attend?

Or how about only releasing very expensive and therefore rare albums that are so heavily protected by DRAM that they can only be played twice before self destruting (Actually thats a bloody good idea. You can't have that - its mine - copyright - patent pending). They could be the Faberge eggs of music. Like a really obscure wine that no one ever drinks but that some idiot will pay millions for.

But if we do that we lose everything we ever stood for and join the corporate band. So much for indie!

I guess it has already happened with people like Philip Green paying George Michael £5 million to play a party for him but that really sucks. I don't begrudge GM for taking the dosh - who wouldn't so long as he keeps on playing shows for us poor peasants.

My advice:

Keep on fighting because sooner or later Live Nation are going to make this play and we are all going to have to revalue our services and that will be a show worth watching.

Tot Ziens - for those of you who speak Dutch ( I have no idea what it is in Lithuanian so that will have to do for now)

Wine, women and song

Berlin is bloody nice place. Cold and windy but really well worth a visit.
You can get your passport stamped at Checkpoint Charlie and drink huge steins of weissbier around the clock in salubrious bars with unpronounceable names. If the fancy takes you there are Trabants on sale ( the car on Achtung Baby cover) for about $3000 US. There are women, men and lord knows what else available to the discerning traveller and all in all its a highly invigorating city.

I saw posters for all sorts of bands who were passing through: Snow Patrol were one and another was BLACK UHURU - a band I haven't heard of in about 20 years! Cutting edge excellent reggae. I rate tham much higher than Misty in Roots but thats a another shaggy John Peel story.

A few days here and I am almost back in the world again.

The trouble though with Northern Europe is that it's cold and Windy for 6 months of the year. It makes me really pine for the fjords of New Zealand in summer.

Which reminds me, Greg has a complitation album coming out soon which you get free with bottles of Kim Crawford Wines in the USA.

How good is that? Get nicely mellow on wine and warbles.

You see that's a nice little tie in with a company that understands how life really is. You work hard all day and when it somes to down time you really need to relax in company with friends and chill out sometimes. No need to think about what to put on the stereo. It's all done for you.

I really like this plan because it means we aren't trying too hard to be "imaginative" and that makes a big change.

Easy.

Achtung International

Guten morgan,

I have been granted a few days dispensation by the gnomes so I have come over here to Berlin to catch up on the cricket world cup and Eurovision.

Flying in to the old East german airport - which is now a bunch of sheds along the coldest airfield in the world - was a bit odd. The last time I was here I was a student and damn nearly got to spend my vacation in Spandau ( I know thats in the West but I can't remember the name of the Eastern prison). Anyway, I don't recommend that place one bit. It's a real dump, especially after Zurich and its starched linen everything.

In many ways it's rather heartening to be here in the old east. I rode along in the cab just looking. Seeing bits of wall and old buildings that used to house the Ministry of music and other stuff like that. I finally dragged up at my hotel - THE AROCTEL - in case you were wondering - expecting austere communist decay and instead got a boutique with hand made carpets with pictures of Brecht and Marlene Dietrich and all those other German pop icons. Its really cool. Miles better than a Four Seasons, stock box. The hotel is in the old East and from the window you can see the massive telecom tower that used to represent the gravestone of thousands of dead escapees. The synagogue that was the target on Krystal Nacht is just down the street. This is a really heavy place in history. Just by the front door is the S Bahn and tram lines that used to symbolise the ppossibility of escape and the daily charade of hope and dread (dependent upon which side of the old wall you lived on).

I have also discovered the best Thai restaurant in the world opposite the tube station - I kid you not it is amazing! Look for the christmas lights.

Back to matters more musical -From here the pursuit of European domination was launched and it was here that it perished. And that is what makes Eurovision so brilliant.

I guess most Americans won't have heard of Eurovision so let me explain. It is a pan continental competion that takes in every country from Israel - Europe??? to Finland and Iceland and from Ireland to Moldova.

Which neatly reminds me if you know aything about cricket did you see Ireland and bangladesh last night? Two minnows of the game hammered India and Pakistan on Paddys Day. There is hope for all of us if that can happen!

Anyway, Eurovision is an excuse for all the gays. transexuals and frustrated cabaret singers on an entire continent to sing away in front of millions of like minded people. ABBA started here.

It has been won by an Isreali transexual in the past and last year was won by LORDI a Finish band that never reveal who they are and instead dress as monsters from hell who hapen to lay hard rock. They drew th biggest EVER crowd in Helsinki last year with 90 000 people. So as you can see it's a big deal. It is also not open to Americans and that changes the entire perspective of the competition.

Isreal has a band that want to "PUSH THE BUTTON" this year as a dig at the Iranians - ironic really as the only ones who ever get shot are Arabs. The UK rejected hip hop act Big Brotaz and elected a group called Smoosch who are as camp as a row of tents and as for Holland......!

Now despite the fun of Eurovision there is one thing that never fails and that is the voting. You can see geo-political arguments every year when it comes to votes. Greece will always gove Cyprus 10 points. Cyprus gives Greece 10 points. Germany always votes for Isreal and Israel always igonores Germany. France will never vote for anyone who has a hope of winning unless its Belgium and everyone else is so pissed they can't remember who to vote for so they vote for Ireland.

Thats why Eire has won it about 40 times and is in danger of going bankrupt because believe me when I say that a donkey with a sore throat is better than half of the acts in the comp. Ireland can't produce a bad singer even if they resort to tonsilectomy so they keep on winning.

I really hope this year that Europe does what it always does and flips out as soon as the temperature goes over 10c and votes for the chick from Malta. I haven't heard here but apparently she has tried and failed to get in 11 times before and when you think that there are only 14 people from Malta who enter every year she has got to be pretty bad. But she is persistent and she will enjoy the week in Finland more than any other man alive (woman). So when the time comes VOTE MALTA! Reward Endeavour and get this girl to the top of the charts in 30 countries. God knows she has got to be better than some who have made it already!

The reason I am here is to do a deal with a contact from East of the Bosphorous. We need to get into Russian and the old soviet block, so I met up with a guy who was the Turkish entrant in 1994 outside his club, the Artemis. Nice place and very original use of toweling - more on that another day. Suffice to say this guy gets whatever he wants and has a metod of doing business that is rather like that other Turkish emperor Ahmet Ehretegun RIP. His favourite triack was to bring two gilrls with him to a meeting and then use them to distract you from the deal just enough for him to come out as a winner. He would then leave and take the girls with him leaving a trail of destruction, legends and moist tissues in his wake.

BEWARE A TURK BEARING GIFTS!!

The old sinsister intrigue of the cold war is alive and well and living in Berlin. So is Electro so get over here if you play that stuff.

TCHUSE

SWITCH OFF THE IPOD

After alll this time in solitude I have suddenly realised something really potent about the business I am in.
Portable music is destroying our lives!

You see it's quite a thing to switch of the TV and Ipod for a while and just go into the world "naked".

I bined my ipod about 2 years ago because I was going deaf from trying to drown out the background noise. I think I made a wise decision. It has taken me all this time to re-aclimatise to what reality actually sounds like. Electronic noise had become a sort of tinitus that swamped me from the moment I woke to the moment I slept.

Suddenly though, it is as if the gunk that was filling my ears has been syringed out and I can hear again.

I have to say it is amazing.

I can hear music in the way I never did before. There is melody in the milkfloats; harmony in the hum drum and tunes in the tuna melt.

Maybe we should ban Ipods and Mp3 players altogther.

If we did we might have chance to catch our breath and actually listen instead of just absorb.

Music is not a disposable commodity like toilet paper, it is an etethereal and magical spell that makes life a little bit better, like chocolate.

Why don't we value it more?

Global Warning

Biased and one sided reporting makes my blood boil but more important is that it always comes from the same sources, controlled by a cabal of reactionary psycho's who out compete each other in their attempts to stupify the entire planet by telling us crap.