Faced with another night alone in this luxury Swiss "retreat" with its specially made vulcanised wallpaper, I tuned into ITN news last nighton the ol' puter.
Guess who is still stuck up on a ledge on the fucking Eiger with a TV camera and no fingers to switch it off? You guessed it the mighty RAN Defenestration!
This dick wad is hanging about and getting in the way of real news again. Tonight he has persuaded some public school brain death to follow his progress by hiring a helicopter to film him in a precarious state half way up a mountain.
Last night they were at DEATH BIVOUACK. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Is that any place for a sane person to spend the night?
I dearly hope that the bugger falls off that hill and bangs his head on the way down. At least that will mean we only have a day of misery - like when Sharon didn't quite die - and then we can get on with more useful things.
Anyway I though rather than blatter on about him I had better show you what happens when an athletic, artistocratic man with a the brain power of a lemming is let loose on the unsuspecting world.
Now, I guess you are asking what the hell is he on about this for? Well, let me tell you. People like Ran are in charge of the world. Idiots with more money than sense (not hard in this case). They are born lucky and get to spend their days wasting time on pointless activities like Polo, Lacrosse, Rugby, climbing mountains and making investments in things they don't understand.
Imagine if you will, that you have a billion dollars. What are you going to do?
OPTIONS ARE:
1 Playboy lifestyle,
2 MONASTERY
3 Quiet life out of the public eye
4 Newspaper columnist
5 Sportsman
6 Property developer
7 Author
8 Antique dealer
9 Restorer of old cars
10 Cunt
RESULTS
Most opt for a combination of 1, 6, 8 and 10
If they have testosterone aplenty and IQ points a lackin' they will inevitably opt for 5 and 6. That's why all buildings in the old world since 1940 have been built by committees of dullards with no more skill than the guys who are shovelling the yoghurt down my throat every hour.
Some, tried option 1 - found out they were shit, selfish lovers and in all likelyhood perverts and so reverted to option 7 and 8.
Which leaves us with the successful failures like Ran. Famed for being daft.
Old money does not "do" creative things unless it involves Nanny and a wetsuit. Old Money is only involved in keeping old money in old families. Think of it like this;
If you are Roman Abramovich you can give your ex-wife $1Billion and still have $10 billion spare to goa n do interesting things with like run a football team or build the worlds biggest yacht. If your name is Gates or Buffett you can increase the GDP of African nations by writing a cheque and save millions of lives. But, if you are "old money" you are under strict instructions to keep every last penny in your own clammy hands until your death, aged 102, by preventing anyone doing anything innovative and new.
In England they say that is being "preserved in aspic."
In Switzerland they say ... nothing and just take the cash.
Now then, here is why this makes musical difference.
Old money marries new money. New money becomes old and settles into jello senility.
(I give you "THE DAILY TELEGRAPH".)
Your TV , press and radio is run entirely by old money. (Myspace has been bought by old money Murdoch).
You listen to them every day in your car at work and on TV and it changes your perception of right and wrong.
You vote Tory, Republican, Liberal because it feels safe and they told you too. They will never remind you why it suits their own interests to run with the herd and put all your energy into consummerism.
Once in a while they have a feud and some new/old money upstart like Conrad Black takes it up the rump but, generally they are happy to hide their shame beneath a lambswool sack (UK readers may get that). (See Robert Maxwell - Hungarian Saint, or Ken Lay - my papered life in the arms of Princess Anne)
Then one day one of the old school chums doesn't like the look of someone -say this week it is the Chinese - because the bird at the Karaoke wouldn't let him play tonsil tennis with her and he hits a sell button on his Taiwanese computer whilst telling his mates to do the same.
Old money - which has never been used to do anything is safely locked up in bullion, property and stuff like that, but yours - which is in a pension or something, controlled by the mate; you know, his friend, the guy with a stately home in Berkshire, that one, yeah him, the same guy who just told his boys to sell - isn't. It is fucked.
New money, like ours, is lost before you even know about it and they make a few dollars for their efforts.
Now people have to sell to avoid bankruptcy.This means that old money is more valuable because it buys more.
It buys your house for buttons whilst you languish in a Motel 6 somewhere near Fresno. You spend 50 years paying off a debt they created and then wonder where your life went. Meanwhile Ran is up a hillside with a cozy toe sleeping bag and wall to wall adulation. His contribution to the world is zero but he will earn millions because you want to read about him to escape from your shitty life.
And because you are so tired and poor you will never play that gig that will make a difference and you won't be able to inform a generation of your brilliance and a dream will die.
Meanwhile on the radio James Blunt and Mika get A rotation and you are singing "Smile" as you wipe another geriatric arse and wonder where it all went wrong.
It went wrong baby when Momma got frisky and your old man got lucky.
Sweet Dreams
No comments:
Post a Comment